My Nanny Megan
My nan who is 81 is the most funniest woman ever, that I have ever met.
She phoned me up and said that a man who lives in her close, had been hit by a car and he was in hospital, I know the man in question and I said " oh, nan is he okay ? " and she said " Well we dont know yet, but he's on an income support machine " I said you mean life support machine, and she said " Yes that's the one ".
Another time I asked her how she was and she said " oh, I'm suffering with my down syndrome " I was like " eh ? " she really meant her IBS..Bless her.
Then she went around saying that my uncle was a pervert and the whole family couldn't believe it, so I rung her and asked her why she was saying that and her reply " well he is, he never goes out " She meant Hermit.
Love you Nan, but you are funny x
Old-Nick
Pro 
My nan once passed on her sincerest condolences to a lady in the local shop on reading that her husband had died, only to find she'd misread the name in the births, deaths and marriages section of the newspaper; the bloke was alive and well at home in the garden! Nan's eh? 
I have been saying for years that what people actually mean when they talk about me is "hermit"